Fools come out at night
by Erin Elric
Summary: A short humor fic about the Hellsing characters. I fixed the error with the first chapter.
1. Chapter 1

Hello this is my first Hellsing fic so no flames or anything like that. I decided to write a humor fic (cause it's fun to write them) well any ways I have a more serious story in the works but I don't know if I'm going to post it or not yet. Originally I had another idea for the first chapter but I can't think of an ending yet and this weird idea hit me. Read review no flames…

Fools Come out at night 

Ch 1 to kill a vampire… well at least try too.

"Dracula!" called Anderson 

Alucard stopped walking. "You again?"

"Plaguing the innocent with your evilness again?"

"No Integra sent me to buy her candy."

"Oh… well I'm still stopping you!"

"From buying chocolate?"

"Yes! Wait I mean no! I'm stopping your demonic ways."

"I'm not even killing anything."

"I don't care! I just don't like you."

"Yeah I kind of noticed that…"

He pulled out his bayonets from where ever he keeps them. "I'll kill ya!"

"We've been over this a hundred times Anderson your knives are not going to kill- me!" he yelped as he charged at him cutting him to pieces.

He laughed like the mad man he is.

Alucard merged back together. "See."

He growled. "Wait right here I have the perfect weapon." He ran off then came back with a missile launcher.

"Still won't kill me."

bam

It blew a big hole in him but he formed back together. "Told you."

"Damn!" he ran off then came back with a tank.

"No."

bam

He lived through that as well.

This really pissed Anderson off. He ran off again and came back with a nuclear weapon.

"That might hurt a little bit."

bam

"No that only tickled."

Anderson was ready to pull his hair out. "Wait I know." He charged off.

Alucard stood there for about five minutes.

"You'll never survive this." He said standing to the side. "Fans."

"Fans?"

"We love you Alucard!" called one fan.

"Please sign this for me!" called another one.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" screamed Alucard running the fans followed him.

Anderson chuckled as he watched the fans chase Alucard around. "That'll learn ya."

Read review no flames please. Next chapter coming soon.


	2. Alucard's bad day

Thanks all for the reviews remember no flames.

The fools come out at night Chapter 2 Alucard's bad day 

"Master." Said Alucard appearing suddenly in the dark office.

"Whoa!" Integra yelped she glared at him. "What the hell Alucard I'm busy!"

"Oh…" he walked over to her side and she covered the computer screen with her hands. "And what are you looking at there my master? Something naughty? Porn perhaps."

"I'd would never look at something like that!"

"Then what are you doing that's so bad you won't let me see it?"

"Playing a computer game."

"Oh."

"Why are you here?"

He pointed at the top of his head. "My hat have you seen it?"

"Nope. You look better with out it any ways."

"But it's my hat. It goes with my outfit."

"And a terrible one at that."

"Now that's low. I don't go around insulting your green suits now do I?"

"You did last week."

"I did?"

She sighed. "Are getting forgetful? It's understandable since you so o-"

"Don't call me old."

"Well you are kind of…"

"I am not old."

"Then what do you call it then."

"Seasoned."

"That's still o-"

"Don't say the o word."

"Okay I won't say it."

"But seriously have you seen my hat?"

"No Alucard."

"Damn it." He said vanishing into the darkness.

"Police Girl!" he called

"Yes master?" she asked looking up at him from the magazine she was reading.

"Have you been watching that show again?"

"You mean 'What not to wear'?"

"Yeah that piece of trash."

"No why?"

"My hat is missing."

"I didn't take it this time. By the way Alucard red is out this season."

"Red's never in. What the heck are you reading?"

"Nothing." She said hiding it.

"Don't tell me another fashion magazine."

"No."

"Police girl."

"Yes."

"Oh good lord in heaven."

"I'm not going to take people's clothes this time. I learned my lesson."

"I'm sure having half Hellsing, including yours truly, Integra, and even Walter trying to kill you over it had nothing to do with it."

She giggled nervously.

"Foolish girl. This time keep you hands out of my closet. Oh and if you see my hat please give it back to me." He said vanishing.

"Who'd take that ugly thing any ways?"

Alucard decided to check his room again just incase he did over look it. "But how can you over look a bright red hat?" he asked himself.

He opened his closet. He knew his wardrobe pretty well one red coat with matching hat (which is now missing), eight white shirts, for every day of the week and a spar just incase he didn't have time to his laundry, several dress pants, ties and vests. Still no hat.

"Damn." He said closing the door to the closet.

He checked inside his coffin he has been known to fall asleep while wearing it. "No."

He checked the bookshelf, under his coffin even, trunk, under the table, chair, everywhere practically.

"Damn! Damn! Damn!" he cursed storming out of his room.

Alucard walked back upstairs.

"Something wrong?" asked Walter who was preparing to take Integra her tea.

"I lost my favorite hat."

"Favorite? I thought it was your only hat."

"Well it is… but… uh have you seen it?"

"No."

He sighed then walked away.

"You are aware it's just a hat!" he called as Alucard walked down the dark hallway.

"But it's my hat. My big red hat." He said as he continued walking.

Alucard wondered back to his room and sat down in his favorite chair.

There was a knock on the door.

"What!?" he demanded

"Master." Said Sera opening the door.

He looked at her hatefully. "This better be good Police Girl."

"Well uh.. you have to see it."

"Not interested." He said closing his eyes and waving one hand at her to show he didn't care.

"We found your hat."

"What!?" he yelled jumping up from his chair.

In Integra's office…

Integra was laughing as she lit a new cigar.

Walter was standing beside her desk as Alucard appeared in the room.

"Where is it!?" he demanded.

Seras opened the door. "Master I really wish you wouldn't go thought eh walls like that."

"Where's my hat!?' he demanded ignoring her.

Integra laughed as she pointed at the screen.

He ran around the other side of the desk to see what she was laughing at.

His hat his favorite and only big red hat was being auctioned off. He gasped. "M…. my hat…" he shook his head. "Who did this!?"

"Look at the screen name." Said Integra pointing at the name.

"PAAnderson…" then he realized who it was. "ANDERSON!!!!! That bastard!" he pushed Integra out of the way.

"What the hell do you think your doing Alucard!?"

"I'm buying my hat back!"

"You can't do that you haven't got any money."

"I don't care I want my hat!"

"Well who's going to pay for it?"

"You."

"I will not." She reached over there and shut the computer off.

"No!"

"You can buy another one. Now get out of my office."

Alucard was too stun to move so Walter and Seras had to move him themselves.

-

An hour later…

"That bastard I'll kill him when I see him again!" yelled Alucard then he realized he was out in the hall way and not in the office. "What the?" he looked around shook his head and walked back to his room. "I'll get him back for this."

Next chapter coming soon. Read review no flames.


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